Monday, November 06, 2006

Your hoohah is beautiful!

Thanks to Phantasmaphile for this link--gorgeous, flower-shaped porcelain bathroom fixtures by San Francisco artist, Clark Sorenson. Click here for flower toilets.

I believe the artist's aim is an effect known among the ancient Greeks as antiprosopopoeia, or the depiction of a human as an inanimate object. Plainly he's trying to comment on likeness of these beautiful, bud-like toilets and your own hoohah by placing them in a spacial juxtaposition.

Or maybe it's semiprosopopoeia, since it's just a part of the human.

On the other hand, this might be regular prosopopoeia, since it's really a toilet posing as a flower. Whatever it is, it's prosogymnasmata, and that's for damn sure.

What the hell do I know? Two things only: that your private parts are like flowers, and how to fix a darn toilet.

But please, be careful not to slip and fall on the urinal shown above. Looks dangerous...


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

50 Ways to Break My Toilet

In the mischevious spirit of the holiday and at Mr. Szymkowicz's behest, here are fifty (beginning with five) super-sly ways to break my toilet:

1. Disconnect the flusher chain from the flapper or the flusher arm. No flush!

2. Remove the flapper valve and hide it in the trash. Water runs forever!

3. Turn down the inlet cutoff valve. No water at all!

4. Break off the flush valve overflow tube. This was perpetrated by an interloper at the Access once. It can't be fixed without taking the whole goram tank off!

5. Stuff a big wad of TP down the flusher valve. Wreck the whole thing!

Now, these sabotages are for entertainment purposes only. If you pull any of these "tricks" on one of your friends, it's because you're a dick and it's not my fault. And if you try it on my toilet, I'mma bus' yo' shit UP!

Having said that, have fun! Stay tuned for the next forty-five!

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