Tuesday, August 21, 2007

More Lavatory Panoramas

Since my recent post about the bathroom demolition, I've been confronted by a quantity of anguished wailing about nowhere to pee in the Access. While it is true that, for a time, there was nowhere to pee in the Access, there are now -- finally -- two places to pee in the Access. I obtained some exclusive panoramic photographs that give you basically no sense of what the bathrooms actually look like, except for the color.

1) The back bathroom by the dressing rooms has been rebuilt without a window or any charm. Hot water is anticipated. Ventilation is not. See below:

-Originality: C
-Style: D
-Usability: A (Who else has a can backstage? Mitzy Newhouse?)
-Preshow Accessability: B-
-Magazine Readability: C (During Performance) A+ (During office hours)
-Indispensability: A-

Cumulative Score: C

2) Meanwhile, the lobby bathroom has been daringly restyled by Stephen Speights and now features a chandelier; innovative, wall-mounted utility "cubes"; and the color "brown".

-Originality: A+
-Style: A
-Usability: B (Might benefit from a standard toilet paper holder)
-Indispensability: A
-Magazine Readability: D- (There's a line outside, I promise.)
-Brownness: A+

Cumulative Score: A

So if you were hesititating about coming to the Access because of the lack of bathrooms, you can go back to complaining about the stairs again. See you soon!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Better Bathrooms Every Day

More news about the toilets in the Access!

1) I showed up last Sunday to scope the incremental, minor improvements in the bathrooms, and dangit if the first thing I hear is the sound of the dressing room toilet running. Have a look:

It's just crappy, bargain-basement hardware. You know, if the contractor realized he had access to a seasoned toilet semi-professional like myself, you'd think he'd have the sense to ask for guidance on good supplies and best practices. But no! Why not? Frickin' cheap! Well, I'll just have to keep clearing this flapper every other day. Makes for better blogging, I suppose.

2) Meantime, Speights showed his characteristically bold style by selecting this fancy chandelier for the lobby bathroom:

Note the smoky topaz crystal chains! Well, maybe you can't see it very well, but take my word for it: you'd want to hold a seance in there if there weren't twenty people behind the door trying to get in before the intermission ends. Still, fancy!!!

More changes coming, stay tuned!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Toilet Blog 2.0

Hi everybody! Thanks for hanging on for me to catch up with the toilet blog. I'm forever in your debt. So here's the true story of why Fix My Toilet has been dormant for...wow, nearly a year.

Truth: I fixed all the toilets.

Seriously. I was even going around offering to fix people's toilets, but no one seemed to have any that needed fixing.

In addition to that, I'd always intended to refrain from writing silly stories that didn't refer to toilets, or random thoughts, or satirical observations about the New York theater scene. We get plenty of that shit from all over. What we don't have is blogs with practical advice for dealing with toilets. In the absence of busted toilets, what could I do?

Well, then this happened:

Forces beyond my control at Access Theater have conspired to bring our historically significant premises into compliance with the NYC building code. This is not a wholly bad thing, especially if you can't get around without a wheelchair. The first step was demolishing every trace of a the bathrooms on the 4th floor, where the theater is. Take a look at the panoramic view:

Goddammit. Yes, ladies and gentleman, there was once a bathroom here, complete with a toilet. Now, only barren nothingness.

But hang on! I must admit I was bitter at first, but I'm coming around. Stay tuned for more updates about the bathroom situation for the rest of the year. It's gonna be a wild ride!